The Beauty in Brave
Let's chat heart to heart for a minute. I've shared a little bit on fear before but i'd like to dive a little deeper. Grab a cup of coffee and let's discuss the beauty of being brave.
Brave? Me? I didn't consider myself brave at all. I just found myself fighting my fear. Not like "Hey, let's all go skydiving out of a moving plane" type of fear... I mean the inner fear we hide and conceal as perfectionism or insecurity. I think, at times, I may not have even realized that fear was what was standing in the way of where I was and where I wanted to be. I didn't realize how much of a wall I had let my fears or insecurities build. I mean seriously, nothing could scale that thing. It was massive and like a Ford Truck, "built to last". Well, no "thing" could but "someone" did. Let's go back a few years to see where my understanding of fear first began.
I remember years ago praying for God to physically take me out of my comfort zone. I had been feeling stuck and craved growth. It wasn't long after graduating high school and I was asked ,on what felt like an hourly basis, what my plans for the rest of forever were. I was unsure and felt unprepared to make such a big decision. My career? My college? I didn't feel like I knew my purpose... Not truly, at that very moment. I was still discovering what God wanted me to do and I was open to wherever he wanted to lead me.
I came across the Whatever Ministry and their Modesty event on Facebook. Immediately, I sent them a message and asked if they needed volunteers. My heart leapt at the idea of helping to decorate, serve food, or organize t-shirts. Nope! You see, any of those tasks would have been firmly wedged right into my comfort zone. Instead, I was asked to, wait for it, model! What? I quickly reevaluated my desire to help. Model? Me? That's not me! People would be watching me. What if I tripped? Wasn't there something in the background that I could do? Alas, I knew that this was an answered prayer and that this was going to take me far outside of my comfort zone. God won't give us more than we can handle but he's also not going to spoon feed us when he knows we are ready for more! I remember daintily walking down the "runway" still feeling unqualified and wondering "Okay. Lord. I'm doing it! Now, what are you up to?"
When the event came around the next year I jumped at the opportunity to volunteer again. This time I wanted to help but I had decided that modeling wasn't my cup of joe. I filled out the volunteer form, hit send, and it came back... "Group Leader". Insert that monkey emoji with his hands over his eyes! What? They wanted us to come up with group chants and cheers, to be loud, and to dress wacky. Y'all. Again, this was so out of my comfort zone! I prayed for wisdom! I wanted to grow so I happily donned my t-shirt, tutu, purple eyeshadow and I prepped group cheers. God had taught me so much just in the last year. He had made me so much stronger than I thought I was. I had always seen myself as gentle but maybe gentle people could still be strong in their own way? Maybe, with his help and lots of it, I really could be a good leader.
At the end of the event the founder came to my sister and I and asked if we would consider joining their planning team for the next year. She had seen leadership qualities in us that we couldn't fully see in ourselves. Again, the feeling of being unqualified began rising inside of me. I was afraid I would have no value to add. What could I possibly do that could benefit their team. I was gentle, reserved, and had just begun taking baby step to get out of my comfort zone. I told her that we would pray about it and let her know our decision. Truthfully... I think in my mind I had already written it off. "I can't do that" I thought to myself. In truth, I couldn't ,but I hadn't done any of this on my own. God had been guiding me and growing me and stretching me all along.
Two months later, after much prayer and consideration, my sister and I joined the planning team and became Co-coordinators of web and social media. I knew nothing. I had a Facebook page I rarely posted to and no Instagram experience. I had never done any kind of web design except for a short class I had taken with my Graphic Design schooling. Again, I felt God pulling me out of my comfort zone and helping me to grow. He was helping me to discover gifts and talents that he had given me but that, up until this point, I didn't even know I had. The next year I became in charge of sales and last year I took on being Co-director of two events we host each year. So much growth has happened over the last few years and it all started with a momentary ounce of bravery. Taking the first step and saying "yes" regardless of my fear!
Fear. It's what keeps us from growth. It holds us prisoner in our comfortable comfort zones and keeps us from stepping outside of them. It's a feeling that paralyzes and keeps us from where we are meant to be. I guess you could say I'm a recovering perfectionist. haha! For so long I felt completely paralyzed by the fear that I might make a mistake. I was afraid of how people would react to my volunteering, my decision not to finish college, and my entrepreneurial pursuits. I was afraid others would see me as a failure. I've learned that faith drowns out fear. When we rely on ourselves to "work things out" then there will naturally be fear that mistakes will be made... here's the thing... On our own we are incapable, unqualified, and inadequate. Does this mean all hope is lost? No! It means we have to reevaluate where we are placing our faith and our trust... Are we relying on ourselves or are we leaning in and relying on God to work things out on our behalf? That's where the joy comes in!
For many years I felt called to start a blog. I put it off because of this, that, or the other but mostly because I had a fear no one would read it or that once someone did read it they would tell me how terrible I was at blogging. For years I felt called to start my own business but I put it off because I was afraid of failing. I didn't want to start something with good intentions just to fall flat on my face. Here I am years later relying solely on God to work things out (I've always relied on him but somehow allowed my fears to get in the way of taking action) and he is completely blessing my socks off!! My fears of no one reading my blog were squashed when i took a leap of faith and set it up a few weeks ago. Hundreds of people visited in just a few short days! They weren't just from the US they were from all over the world!!! My fears of failing at owning a business were stopped right in their tracks when I joined an amazing company called Maskcara a few months ago. I signed up to be an artist after a lot of prayer and knew that it was the right move (more on this later). This past month, after a lot of hard work and prayer, God brought me to tears with how he blessed my business and the growth I was seeing. Not only was I able to rank up within the company but I also surpassed all of the sales goals I had set for myself. What?? Why had I not just listened sooner?
Brave. When ordinary people step out boldly in faith it is beautiful. I used to think that bravery was reserved only for those who had zero fear. I have discovered that it is less about how you begin and more about how you finish. Bravery is having fear in combination with enough courage and enough faith to conquer it! It's not one BIG thing but hundreds of tiny decisions that make you brave. The decision to try. The decision to take action. Having faith that, as cheesy as it sounds, if God is leading you to it he will also lead you through it. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and of sound mind." One year as a VBS volunteer we taught the young children how to remember this verse through motions so that when they felt fearful they could speak this verse and overcome that fear. Even as an adult I find that it is important to know verses like this one that you can pull out and speak over your life when those negative, nagging fears try to take hold. God doesn't want us to live scared but to live SAVED!! No matter how big or how small the fear is... it has to hit the road! There is just no room for it! Take a step towards conquring your fears today.
There is such beauty in being brave!
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you" (Psalm 56:3).
xoxo
Ashlyn
